Courage for a New Story
"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9
Planning
In complete honesty, this scripture was incredibly tough for me after our world shattered overnight. It triggered pain inside my heart because we had many plans for our future and it felt like they all were buried with my husband. What now? Planning anything feels awful after significant loss. Planning for the holiday season, weekend plans, and certainly future plans of career, ministry, family. It just doesn’t feel right to plan for quite some time.
For me, as healing began to take place, my heart found a way to begin dreaming again. Big dreams. I believe that dreaming again is a good thing. This also began to usher in a new season of healing. I mustered up the courage to dream and desire; then I came to grips with a reality that was tough to swallow. The LORD will be the one to establish my next steps. The questions in my heart were endless: What will God reveal? What will God allow? What will God choose to protect me from? Are my next steps safe? My many fears were highlighted. It was time to choose whether I would release the tight grip I had on my life. Would I trust God to shepherd me through this valley?
A New Story
Over time I began to believe for myself that God wanted to write a new story for my body to experience. I believe it for you too. This new story requires courage. Courage to trust. Courage to wait. Courage to walk in step with the Spirit leading; not ahead of Him and not behind. Just as Moses didn’t want to step without the presence of God leading the way in the wilderness (Exodus 33), this can become our desire too.
Rebuilding trust in God is a completely normal experience post-trauma. It’s what I believe is most broken by the heartache in our stories. Some of our deepest wounds are the lies we believe about God because of the experiences we have endured.
The image we hold of God may be confused, but that does not indicate that God has changed. He is still loving, good, and worthy of our trust. The same Gospel that is true on our best days is also true on our worst. God is a promise keeper. He is faithful and He is consistent.
Engaging the Process
The LORD establishes our steps. In the words of Corrie Ten Boom, “When Jesus takes your hand, He keeps you tight. When Jesus keeps you tight, He leads you through your whole life. When Jesus leads you through your whole life, He brings you safely home.”
So what is actually happening beneath the surface when fear begins to rear its ugly head? Fear is a physiological response in our body. It signals that something doesn’t seem safe and potential danger is near. Timothy Jennings explains how fear is processed in the brain in the beginning chapters of his book, The God-Shaped Brain. Fear activates a part of the brain that can impair logical thinking and reasoning over time. The domino effect can lead to thoughts such as, "God, now that I believe you are against me, I'm scared. I'm afraid of you and I can't trust you to watch out for me, so I have to take care of myself." These thought patterns will lead us toward inward living, survival of the fittest mentality, and powering through life rather than resting in the arms of our Father.
Acknowledging our fears is an important part of the healing process. We can learn to have compassion and curiosity about the fearful reactions we notice in our bodies. We can learn to respond to perceived threats by connecting with what is true about our situation when we have the right tools.
LORD, establish our steps forward. Let us move in step with your Spirit as we journey through healing. Hold us fast on this journey.
“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.” Psalms 37:23-24
